Smile

How do we smile at each other? Is there a message communicated between us as we smile? Does it convey the depth of our feelings we have for each other? Take note of how our smiles deepen in feeling toward each other as our relationship grows and time passes. Note how our smiles reflect our joy as we pass time together without insignificant complaints.
You’ve heard it said that we all have something to give. That something is a simple smile. A smile that conveys not only friendship, but simple love. And are we not aware that we should love everyone? We should love all. But we also know that those we love the most are those we know the best.
The more time we spend with our companion, the happier we are. Business and other affairs of life may take us away from home for certain periods of time. Do not allow the association of others outside the home to become more important than the associations we have at home. Do not allow commitments of the world to outweigh the committment of our companionship and relationship at home. Being at home with our partner should be the place we long to be, amid all the duties and responsibilities of life. We should foster a relationship with our companion that turns our steps homeward when our daily duties are accomplished. Companionship with our special loved one is the means of developing and encouraging that love which initially brought us together.
Do not allow the difficulties and distractions of life to become a wedge between us and our loved companion. We must talk to each other. Listen to each other. Smile at and be with each other often. Challenges are so much easier to face when they are perceived as challenges to be solved together, rather than challenges that may divide us.
Our most important and precious possession is our family. Even when we are just a family of two. We are more important than any professional or social club or organization will ever be. We need to spend as much of our free time as is needed in nurturing and growing our relationship. And we should also be willing, in return, to encourage each other in the growth and development of ourselves as individuals. We can be truly proud and supportive of each other’s talents and capabilities. And we can do it with a warm and sincere smile.
We can give and we can receive. We can lift and we can support. We can smile, and share that love and encouragement with each other.
And we can do it often.

Gay Men and Women How and When To Come Out’?

Worldwide, as we speak, men and women, young and old, are agonizing on their private secret: I’m gay, and I can’t hide it anymore’. People who just want to live a life as a regular couple with someone of the same sex. Many of us have family and friends who consider homosexuality as abnormal’ or wrong’, so it’s natural for people who are gay to have reservations about telling those special to them how they feel.
The first thing to consider: who NEEDS to know? You aren’t obligated to tell anyone it doesn’t concern. Who you tell comes down to several things. Firstly, who do YOU feel you want to know? Who do you want to talk to about your love life, your attractions, your relationship ups and downs? These people will be close friends, possibly family, too.
Consider your current lifestyle. Do you have a partner now? If so, is it becoming more important to share them more in your daily life, with other people special to you? Often, people in love, straight or gay, want that person involved in their life more as a relationship grows. When in a relationship, we like to bring our partner to special occasions, celebrate, have support during the bad times. Maybe you wish to live together, and have realized that those around you will need help understanding this. Some people choose to tell their loved ones they are gay because they don’t wish to feel that they are hiding’ anymore. These are all turning points’ that will lead to a person wanting to let others in their life know that they are gay.
There are times when a person decides to wait for an easier time to tell loved ones, particularly family. It’s sad to admit, but oftentimes true that families can have a harder time dealing with the news that a family member is gay. Attending high school can make coming out’ an extremely stressful situation. Students may be fearful of being teased or not accepted by their peers. No student should be treated badly because they are gay, obviously, but it consider this if you are at school and aren’t dating, is it anyone else’s business? If you’re fortunate to have some very mature friends, of course, tell them if you think it will help you.
Some high school students find they prefer to hold off telling family until necessary, perhaps until they are older, have left school, or even have left home. This gives parents time to see that children have grown and matured, and it isn’t a phase’ or something they can try to stop. There is of course, always the exception, and there are a lot more open minded parents around, whose reaction could surprise you.
Another common situation is homosexuality in heterosexual marriage. This can be extremely stressful for both husband and wife. One person feels trapped in a lifestyle that is no longer making them happy. A gay husband or wife can suffer a lot of guilt over the way they feel, to the extent of staying in the relationship as a way of making it up’ to the other partner. If this is you, ask yourself: are you helping your husband or wife, in holding off dealing with your feelings and telling them? Not only are you prolonging your happiness, but theirs too. They’ll need time to deal with the marriage’s end, and you should make this as easy and painless as possible. If this means ending the marriage sooner, then it’s possibly the best way. The longer you stay married, the more the chances are your partner will grow more attached. If your spouse truly loves you, they’ll only want your happiness. Yes, they’ll miss you, want to stay married, but few people want to keep someone in a marriage if they’re unwilling.
Many gay people divorce their husbands or wives and stay best friends. But of all the people who need telling, husbands and wives rank highly! Or, at least, if you don’t tell them you are gay, they deserve an amicable split.
The next suggestion may sound trite, but still bears mentioning. Why not talk to a counselor? It can be practise’ for telling your loved ones. What’s great about counselors, is they can help you work out what’s the right thing for you to do, and how to say it best.
Which brings us to the next questionтАУ what to say? Honestly? Whatever you want! But, a good guideline is to start with why you are telling them. If you are single, you might just want to say that you prefer dating people of the same sex. If you are in a relationship, you could just let the person you are telling know that you have a boyfriend/girlfriend. It helps if you make a short simple statement to start with, then give the recipient a moment to process this news.
Some people you come out’ to will say, I knew it all along!’, good for you!’ or, so?’ These people are a breath of fresh air, and will make you wonder why you didn’t tell them sooner. Others will have questions, some may be angry or upset. Please remember, that although you need all the love and support from these people, that many people have been raised in families that taught homosexuality is wrong’. Go in with a willingness to work through the feelings with your loved ones. For parents, it can be a shock, for the reason that they may feel scared about not having grandchildren, even if they accept homosexuality.
It isn’t acceptable, however, for anyone to abuse you. If this happens, remove yourself from the situation as quickly as possible. Let tempers calm down, protect yourself from others’ anger. Realise people often calm down and accept things with time. Some people may never accept this, and it’ll be your decision how to handle those people.
Above all, be true to yourself! It’s your life, and you’re the one living it. As mentioned, you may wish to wait, and there are many good reasons for doing this. However, there’ll come a time, when you’ll wish to live and love the way you want to. Take time, and you’ll always find a way. If you know who you want to inform you are gay and why, you’re halfway there! All there is to do now is to wish you the best of luck. People can surprise you with their acceptance, and people who are gay are often overwhelmed by the freedom this experience can bring.

Never Forget Another Birthday Greeting

Be honest not with us, but with yourself. How many birthdays have you missed this year? We are all quite busy and we even have a hard time remembering what day it is, but when it comes to the feelings of our friends and family, we need to take extra steps to remember. It happens to all of us, even those with the best intentions. So, what can you do to help yourself remember for next time? Because technology is just so great in this day and age, there are ways that you can remember one or two birthdays or even one hundred and two.
A free service for you to consider is offered on the website, mobileBday.com. This service is a great tool to have because it can help you stay connected to the long list of birthday reminders you probably have. By allowing you to receive instant reminders of when birthdays are happening, this service really can prove to be invaluable. The service allows you to program birthdays into it. When the date arrives of the person’s birthday, you will receive a text message reminding you of the birthday. The message will show up whenever you plan for it to. It will display the person’s phone number which allows you to instantly call them and wish them a happy birthday! You can also set up reminders for later in the day as well.
Again, this is a free service that helps to keep you connected with the loved ones around you. You will no longer have to see the disappointment on the faces of those you love when you forget to call. They won’t feel like they are second best. And, you will not feel as if you have failed again. This simple to use product is a great way to help you to remember all of those important days. By the way, you can also use this service to program in all those anniversaries that you tend to forget as well! Come home with a bouquet of flowers on your wedding anniversary! It is easy to use, which makes it right for just about anyone who has a cell phone with text messaging service. Getting started is as simple as registering and adding those individuals into your cell.

How to be Successful in Life, Dating, and Business

A big question. I am sure that everybody on this planet would like to know the answer to that.
A few years ago, I worked for a British time share company. I am sure that right now there are many people twisting their faces: “time share? Oh. No! “. I agree But this is not the point of this article.
While I was working there, I took some intern course in body language and “The art of sales”. Since then EVERYTHING i want to “sale”, I manage to. By saying everything, i mean business, things that I want from my wife, from my kids, from my friends and family and so on.
How do I do that, you ask? Well, here it is. You can try to use this method in every field, and I promise you it will work:
As an example, I will use my first date with my wife which eventually leaded to our marriage.
Picture this My first date with her, nice restaurant, candle lights, wine and music (you do need to set the scene first).
She came; we said hello to each other, ordered some wine and then the “sale” started.
KISS Which means: Keep It Simple & Stupid. This is a very important point in the whole conversation. The more info you give freely, them more they need to think about. You should give info about your self, but try to think about what you say as you can talk too much and give some info that should not be given at least not right now.
WH questions As the conversation roles, try to ask as many WH question as you can: why, where, how, what You need to gather as much info about them as you can to understand who is sitting right now and talking to you, what is his/her type, what does she/he likes Why is that so important? As I asked my future wife on that first date all the WH question, I found at that she is a “homey” type, love romance, love to coddle If I would right away start talking about me and my “wild” life, I would probably missed her interest in me. I do not say you need to be someone else just to get their attention, but trying to “win” this meeting.
Tea or Coffee Now you have gathered all the info you need, and it is time to start closing this deal. You are not about to close it now, but we need to get closer to the goal of our “sale”. Tea or Coffee questions are BASED on the info you got earlier and now you try to focus on the points. For example: “so what you are trying to say is that you rather be at home then go out to wild parties?” or “so what do you prefer, Madonna or Jimmy Hendricks?” With this type of question you are now minimizing the info you got to more focused answers.
The Closing You have now got the info, got the focused answers, it is time to “close” this ” Sale”. What you want to do is to get a yes or no answer (depends on you) from them. If you will get that answer You have just reached you goal. Who do you do that? Very simple. Use ALL the info from the entire evening/meeting and concentrate on the particular questions you wan to get yes or no answers to. For example: “so what you are saying is that if I could make some nice dinner for you, just as you like, with candle and wine, could we meet again?” Of course, you are waiting for a “yes” here. It is EXTREMLY important to use finishing statements at the end of your questions, like: “so you do like coddling, don’t you?” Use you head to nod as you ask it..it gives a “mirror effect” on people and they can’t help not nodding back.
As I mentioned at the beginning, you can use this technique ANYWHER on EVERYBODY trust me it works, but as everything in life, you need to practise and a lot.
Hope you can and will use it in your life.

They Have Kids

You’ve met someone who stirs you in ways you’ve only imagined. E-mail from them arrives in your mailbox and you smile. Their voice on the other end of the line makes your stomach flutter. The sight of them makes all your worries seem unimportant and their happiness all that matters- until you hear a child scream for them and they have to deal with the situation in another part of the house. You snap out of your amorous state of mind and anxiously wonder if you are ready to deal with the other part of their life- the kids.
I’m sure you knew going into the relationship that they had kids. It wasn’t a real issue until you met them. All kinds of feelings are associated with this kind of situation. Anxiety, unease and feeling uncertain about the kind of roll you might play in the lives of this family. It can feel like an overwhelming position but one that you are considering if you have begun to contemplate your readiness.
You are with this person because there is chemistry. A relationship with the kind of chemistry you feel with this person is hard to find. It was easy to put off dealing with the fact that children were involved at first. When your new partner was ready, you were invited to meet the kids and that’s where the reality set in.
First and foremost, you must like children! If you generally find that you don’t enjoy children, there isn’t a very good chance you might miraculously fall in love with his or her kids. You need to see how well you get along with the children. A day at the park or an outing for ice cream is a great way for everyone to interact and feel each other out.
You will need to see how well you get along with the ex’ if he or she is involved. In any kind of situation, the better the adults get along, the better it is for the children. You don’t have to be best friends, but to be able to acknowledge each other in greetings and exchange a few words let the kids know that you aren’t any threat to the existing structure of the family.
Finally, you need to define your role in this family. A detailed discussion with your partner about this should clearly define any kind of expectations and limitations on your part. You should also use this opportunity to express your concerns and address them. Above all, the fact that you have reached the point of asking yourself if you can handle being with someone who has children is healthy and normal. It is a realization many people have to deal with these days. The maturity it takes to recognize and deal with the potential issues has you already taking a very positive step forward, whatever your decision might be.

Power Struggles Being Right or Being Loving

Mandy and Evan consulted with me for couple’s counseling because they were always bickering. Every little thing seemed to become an issue between them. They loved each other very much, but the bickering was certainly getting in the way of enjoying each other.
I ask Mandy and Evan to come up with some recent conflicts so I could experience what was happening between them. They had conflicts over time, money, child rearing, family, and chores. The dynamic between them was the same no matter what the issue: One of them would complain about something like the house being messy or the other person not being on time, and the other would argue, explain and defend. Then they would go back and forth, each one defending and explaining their position. Neither one listened to the other or even seemed to care about the other’s feelings or position. They would each get locked into their positions, seeing themselves as right and trying to convince the other person to see it their way. They had what I call a “control-resist system.”
In this system, one person approaches the other with an intention to win, to be right – to control. The other person, not wanting to be controlled, goes into resistance. One is trying to win and the other is trying not to lose. One is trying to be right and the other is trying not to be wrong. As long as their intentions were to control and not be controlled, they were stuck. They had no way of reaching resolution on any of their issues.
While Mandy and Evan loved each other, caring was not a part of this system. As soon as an issue came up, they stopped caring about themselves and each other. They were so intent on winning or not losing that caring went out the window.
“At any given moment,” I said to them, “you are either in the intent to control or the intent to learn. The problem is that both of you immediately choose the intent to control, which will always result in bickering. Mandy, I’d like you to try right now to listen to Evan’s concerns about the messiness of the house. See if you can find a place of caring about his feelings. See if you can really listen and see it through his eyes. Then I will have him do the same for you.”
As Mandy really listened to Evan with caring and a desire to learn, she began to understand his frustration. For the first time, Evan felt really heard regarding this issue. Then Evan really listened to Mandy, trying to see things through her experience. They found that as they each began to understand the other’s feelings and experience, new ideas came up to resolve the problem.
Being in the intent to learn is about learning rather than about solving problems. Resolution may be the outcome or it may not, but the new learning will inevitably lead to positive change.
Often, people are reluctant to listen to each other for fear of losing themselves. They fear that if they listen to the other person, they will appear to be weak and will get taken advantage of. But the intent to learn is not just about listening to the other it is also about listening to yourself and learning to stand in your own truth without having to impose it on another. If you are caring about both yourself and the other person, then you will not end up losing yourself in the conflict.
The intent to learn is about being in compassion for both yourself and your partner. When caring and compassion are more important than winning and being right, you will find a way for both of you to win.
Next time you are having a conflict, ask yourself, “Am I trying to control or am I willing to learn?” Even if your partner continues to try to control when you move into compassionate learning, you will discover new inner power, strength and wisdom that is far more satisfying than winning or losing. You will be able to move beyond the bickering as you learn to listen while standing solidly in your truth.